i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
handjob tips. give me some.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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