My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
