Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
