Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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