he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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