white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
