I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
