my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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