just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Drunk is not a location!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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