Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
