He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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