Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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