I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
