belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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