dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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