Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
