I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
