I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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