garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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