what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize