He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
