Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
