im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize