her vagine was all disorganized.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
