Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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