I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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