Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
