Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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