Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
