the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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