lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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