i was born a porn star she said
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You took a bar mat shot.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
