Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
