dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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