Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
