it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
