my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Still dying that you shit outside
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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