woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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