Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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