Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
