It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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