She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
