i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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