I look better un-naked...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
