next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
