Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
