32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
