i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
