so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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