I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm passing your future prison.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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