What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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