There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
