I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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