i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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