I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
fuck your aforementioned shoe
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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