I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
