how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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