Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
