I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We need to rekindle our bromance
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
