he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
