So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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