someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
