I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
