I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I FOUND THE LEGS
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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