WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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