I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
