I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize