with your own penis?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize