last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
