We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
